Irreverent Read online

  I glance sidelong at Mallory. She’s found an old pen and some scraps of paper, so she’s more than happy to doodle away. I smile at her even though she doesn’t see me. When she’s drawing, she doesn’t see much else. I know what she’s trying to draw. It’s what she’s tried for the last two days since we saw the Aurora Australis.

  Lights. She’s trying to recreate the coloured lights that she’s dragged me onto the roof to see the last two nights. She can’t recreate much with a single colour, but the swirls she draws are like the tattoos Drew inked into my skin with a hot needle four years ago when he saw the scars on my back.

  My smile dies at the memory and I turn my full attention back to the screen. I can hear Trey’s grating laugh as the sounds carries down the staircase. I scroll through as much information as I can, speed reading before they arrive and I have to switch back to something less covert.

  Mallory looks up as the voices get louder and she places the pen down and releases a heavy sigh. Her eyes meet mine, then flick to the screen. Her eyebrows join as she frowns. “What’s that?” I start to tell her it’s nothing important and turn so I can switch the screen, but my hand hovers over the keypad. I squint hard, unsure if what I’m seeing is merely a figment of my exhausted brain, but Malloy wheels her chair closer to me and slides in to look closer. Her eyes widen as she stares at the picture on screen. “Cristan, what is that?”

  I clench my back teeth together. It’s plans for a shelter. A big one. But she won’t know what something like that is even for, so I try to explain. “Imagine if you knew there was something bad coming. You could build yourself a giant underground base, fill it with supplies, and you could just wait ‘til it’s gone.”

  It’s an oversimplified explanation and she knows it. Her eyes meet mine and the frown increases as she tilts her head. “What kind of something bad?”

  I scroll down the page and a few more pieces click into place about why they choose this as their base. If the G decide to come, they have an underground shelter a few km’s away. If they’ve concealed it well enough, and if there’s ventilation, they could withstand chemical attacks, and depending on how many are inside, they could stay hidden for months.

  I have no more time to look for anything else when the door cracks open and Kit waltzes in with a metal flask in her hand. She bypasses me and goes straight to Mallory to hand her the flask. As Mallory accepts, Trey stumbles through the door, looking like he’s running on less sleep than I am.

  He yawns loudly and gestures to me. “Jackson wants to talk to you.”

  I mutter under my breath then send a hard look in Trey’s direction. “He can wait. I just want to see if I can hack into the feed again.”

  Trey huffs a curse, but he does nothing to stop me when I start to hack into the camera feed inside my old Unit. I don’t know what I’ll find today. I can only hope the feed is still running so I can check on Jed again. Knowing I can see him whenever I need to, is almost the only thing keeping me sane right now.

  * * *

  Mallory.

  Jed has to be okay. I don’t think I could take the weight of my guilt if he isn’t. It’s all my fault Cristan isn’t with his brother to keep him safe. Instead, he’s keeping me safe. A hard-lump forms in my throat that the hot coffee does nothing to dissolve.

  He chose me. He left his brother to keep me safe. A measure of resolve creeps through my body as he searches the cameras for signs of Jed. I don’t want to be the reason Jed suffers. I don’t want to watch another child at the mercy of the government who tortures children in the hopes it might alter their Irrelevance.

  My fists clench and my nails dig into my palms. The anger I try to ignore fizzles and pops inside me. No matter how I try to excuse what my parents allowed, I can’t find a way to do so. As Cristan lets out an exhalation of air and he peers closer at the screen, I wonder if my sister knew what they were doing to me. I’m not sure if I even want to know the answer. I don’t think I could even look at her if she knew. All those years thinking she was my closest ally, my support and guiding wheel, to think she might have known makes sharp pain flare in my chest.

  I’m tired of hurting for reasons I can’t change. I’m tired of not understanding and feeling like I’m not capable of standing on my own. I run my hands over the arms of my chair and try to imagine what it would feel like to be strong. To be able to run and not collapse, to climb and not feel my limbs shaking, to be complete, whole, and as Relevant as I can be now. I want to prove my worth. I want to show Cristan I can help him. I don’t know how I can do that, but for the first time in my life, I want to do things I’m not supposed to do. I want to see beyond the borders that have been erected for me. Inside the Unit, and now inside the old Zoo, I can shape who I want to be, I can choose whether to conceal and hide.

  There isn’t anyone here who’ll tell me not to stare too long, not to ask too many questions about things I shouldn’t. Here I can remake myself into someone I wish I’d been allowed to be before.

  Trey and Kit are talking behind me, in low tones, so I direct my attention to Cristan. “Why would the government want to watch inside the Units?”

  Cristan doesn’t take his eyes off the split screen. His eyes flick up and down like he’s looking for his brother. “For the same reason they make us eat the food they send in and drink the water they provide.”

  His answer is ambiguous, so I probe a little deeper to confirm what I’m guessing at. “To keep us medicated? But why even bother if we’re Irrelevant?”

  His jaw works and a faint vein pops at the side of his temple. “It’s like Jackson said, I guess. They do it because they can.” He leans even closer to the screen and reaches out a finger as though he can reach through the screen to the Unit inside. I hold my breath as a crooked smile appears on his face. “There he is. Reading with Jackie in the rec room. He looks okay. Everything looks pretty normal.” He leans back in his chair and runs a hand over his face. His shoulders sag a little as he looks sidelong at me. “Drew must be keeping the peace somehow.” His eyes snap to where Trey is tapping on another screen with Kit sitting beside him. He lowers his voice and turns his attention back to watching his brother. “And to answer your question, I’m not sure why they bother, but I think the ones that don’t respond either end up out here or—”

  Whatever he’s going to say is interrupted when Kit stands up from her chair and stalks towards us. Cristan’s lips press together as he turns away so his eyes are back on the screen. Kit smiles at me as she approaches. “You want to get some food with me? Leave the boys to it?”

  I catch the worry forming on Cristan’s face. I smile at him with as much reassurance as I can and his eyes dart between me and Kit. I haven’t spent a lot of time alone with Kit, and I’m curious to know more about her. I’ve never really had friends, and I doubt she’d qualify as one anyway, but she is the first person who told me that I needed to stop suppressing my Irrelevant behaviours, so I try for a confident smile. “Are we going to the common room?”

  Kit grins then shakes her head. “I want to show you the garden. Bet you never ate anything straight off a tree before?”

  I’m so enthralled by the idea I don’t notice Cristan’s concern until he gets to his feet. “I think it’s better if we stay together.”

  His eyes move to Trey who’s yawning and stretching. He seems to notice Cristan is trying to get his attention and grins. “I can watch your Unit ‘til you get back.”

  Cristan’s eyes narrow but he nods slowly enough to make me think if he hadn’t seen that Jed was safe, he wouldn’t trust Trey to keep watch. “Right. Make sure you do. Anything could happen.”

  Cristan straightens to his full height and glares in Trey’s direction. They stare at each other, neither saying a word. Trey rolls his eyes and shrugs like he’s not bothered by the intensity on Cristan’s face. “Just be back in twenty. I got places to be.” Kit scoffs, but as Trey looks in her direction her cheeks pink and she stares at her hands and starts to twist the
m together like she’s trying to wash them.

  I’m too thrilled by the idea of seeing a garden for the first time and though I know Cristan is hesitant to leave, I’m barely able to contain my excitement as we leave the musty basement and take the stairs upwards in the crisp clean air. My excitement only grows as I see we’re heading in a direction I haven’t been before.

  Cristan takes my hand, his expression still tense as we follow a smiling Kit along a narrow walkway made of steel and stone. There’s a drop below, but it doesn’t bother me as much now that I’ve crossed the bridge a few times.

  My heart is pounding in my chest as we round the corner and an explosion of colour greets us. Trees are everywhere, over so much grass covered ground. I let my jaw slacken and take a deep breath of the heady scents of dirt and moisture. And life.

  Kit is grinning at me as she gestures with both arms. “This is my garden.”

  I swallow and blink several times as I try to take it all in. Even Cristan seems impressed by the scope of the garden. His eyebrows rise as he looks at Kit. “Your garden?”

  Kit nods and seems so happy, she even smiles at Cristan. “Yep, well, aside from the trees because they were already here, I planted everything else with a little help from Trey and the—” Her smile falters but she grabs my arm and yanks me away from Cristan. “Come on. Let me show you around.”

  I allow Kit to pull me to a patch of dirt with green growth covered in delicate white flowers pushing up from the ground. She seems so proud of the mound, I look for a way to say something nice. “The flowers are pretty.”

  Kit chuckles and Cristan has a wry smile on his face like I’m missing something. Kit raises her eyebrows. “They’re potatoes!”

  I’m so surprised I look at Cristan for confirmation. His tight nod tells me it’s the truth, but when his forehead creases as he looks around it’s obvious he’s not as impressed as I am. “Was this part of the Zoo?”

  Kit nods with an eagerness that makes me smile. “It was designed as an interactive jungle enclosure where people could see tropical birds and fish. I think they turned it into a human only park after they had issues with the birds eating the fruit and crapping on the visitors.” She barks a laugh and I’m surprised when Cristan chuckles quietly. Kit grins even more and points to a rock wall at the far end of the garden. “That’s the aquatic part. There aren’t any fish, obviously, but the waterfall and irrigation systems still work.”

  I’m near bouncing on my toes as we follow her. While I’m busy taking in lush green grass, incredible flowering plants, and more raised gardens, Cristan is busy asking Kit measured questions. “Is that where you get the water from?”

  Kit nods as she looks sidelong at Cristan. “There’s a spring underneath the Zoo. It feeds the water supply and means we’re not dependent on the G for anything.”

  Tiny white speckled pebbles edge the water feature set into the wall of rock. There is a large pool of water large enough to swim in. Kit stands beside the rock wall and fiddles with a panel on the side. The sun is warm on my skin, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt happier or more content. I know I’m smiling. Smiling because the garden is more beautiful, more abundantly filled with hope, that I feel like there may just be a chance for us after all.

  With a faint hum, then a shudder, water bursts out of the wall and catches the rays of the sun. It’s there in the garden that Kit built with her own two hands, that I see my first ever rainbow.

  I don’t move. I don’t speak. I let my tears express what my mouth cannot.

  As the fine mist makes the rock wall blur into a haze, Kit’s lips tug into a warm smile she even shares with Cristan. “I think your girl just found her happy place.”

  Cristan looks down at me and squeezes my fingers tightly. “Have you?”

  My throat is choked with tears at the wonder of what surrounds me. And then I know. I know that I’m somehow connected to the earth, to the water, and the sun, and I know that if I’d had a choice, there is nowhere else I’d rather be.

  Chapter 8

  Cristan.

  I hate to make her leave, but I know it must be getting close to twenty minutes out here now. She’s only just starting to heal from the last lot of sunburn she received because I wasn’t paying attention, so I squeeze her hand and tap my nose. “You need to get a hat on and sunscreen.”

  I feel like I’m smothering her, but I need to make sure she’s clued up in case I have to leave in a hurry. I want to do right by her. I want to do right by my brother, but I can’t be in two places at once, so the best I can do for her is to make sure she understands things are different out here.

  I take her hand and try to pull her attention away from the miniature waterfall, but Kit intervenes. Her eyes narrow and she shakes her head. She steps to my side and looks at a mesmerised Mallory, still staring at the water. Like she did with the lights, her hands reach out as though she’s trying to touch what she’s been denied all her life.

  Kit speaks in a low voice as though she’s trying to keep from breaking the spell Mallory is under. “You go. She’s safe here.” Her eyes meet mine and I see something under the brusque exterior that makes me less uncertain. She’s hiding things, but whatever those things are, Kit doesn’t pose a threat, and I have to believe after all the care and kindness she’s shown towards Mallory that her actions prove her character.

  I nod slowly and release Malloy’s fingers from mine. She’s so entranced by the water, she barely registers when I step away. With a raised eyebrow and a jerk of my head, I get Kit’s attention so I can let her know I’m counting on her. She gives me a wry smile as though she knows what I’m going to say. I frown a little and make sure I infuse a warning into my voice. “I’m trusting you.”

  Her lips flick up at the sides, but if she’s amused she suppresses it. “Go check on your little brother. Leave your girl to enjoy herself while she can.”

  I don’t even bother with a reply. I just nod and spin on my heel so I can head back to the basement. I don’t intend to check on Jackson, but my feet seem to steer me towards his room. I knock lightly and pause until I hear his gravelly voice tell me to come in.

  The door is an old fashioned one, no auto entry, no auto lock either, so I twist the metal handle and step inside his crowded room. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust and when they do I find him lying in the same spot he was in before. His chest is covered in a bandage, but his colour looks better than it did the last time I saw him.

  His lips quirk into a half smile. “Come back to finish me off?” he jokes.

  I smother a chuckle and pull out a chair from amongst the others crammed into the room. I scan the mess and shake my head at the odd assortment of junk he’s collected, and for some reason decided to store where he sleeps. I don’t want to be here for too long, but I need to formulate a plan. Something tangible in the middle of uncertainty so I clear my throat. “I need to get my brother out.”

  Jackson scratches the stubble on his chin. “Yeah. Or you could help me get everyone from the Units out.”

  Anger flares across my cheeks. “I can’t help everyone. Not right now. Jed is the only kid inside the Unit, and he’s the only kid who needs the meds the G sends in. He’s top priority for me.”

  Jackson’s face contorts into a sneer. “Have you even thought about what you can do once you break him out? You planning on bringing him here?”

  I swallow hard and fight to keep my voice steady. “What’s so wrong with that?”

  Jackson barks a laugh, then winces as though the movement aggravated his injury. “What’s wrong with it? How about the fact that he’ll have even less freedom here than he would inside the Unit? How about the fact that we have the tools to give him a chance at a real life. One where he has access to the meds he needs and can visit the library, the swimming pools, and every bloody thing else he’s been denied since birth.” His voice rises with each word. Like he feels Jed’s pain. Like he’s lived it.

  My toes start to tap on the floo
r as my brain whirls into action. “And how am I supposed to get all that for him?”

  I know what he’s going to say before he says it, but the words still make my skin crawl. “You’re a weapon Cristan. We just need to aim you in the right direction and wait for everything to blow up.”

  I don’t like where this is heading so I stand up. I don’t even say goodbye, but as I leave the room, Jackson’s voice follows me down the hallway, a taunt and a threat all in one. “You can’t run from them anymore, Cristan. They’ve seen what you’re capable of now. There’s no way they’ll leave you alone.”

  My jaw tightens as I head back down to the basement. My boots clomp heavily down the stairs. My fists clenching at my sides as I approach the basement door. I don’t mean to, but I swing the door open with a little too much force, startling Trey. He jumps to his feet, a wild look on his face as he scans behind me. Relief crosses his face and it takes me a split second to see why. Instead of watching out for signs of my brother, Trey is watching a couple kissing in the rec room. I flinch as I recognise Tyler and Gina. Tyler’s hand is sliding her skirt up, revealing a lot of leg. Nice to know neither of them are bothered by their actions and the fact that I’m no longer inside the Unit.

  Disgust churns my stomach as I stalk back to the monitor. I don’t even bother to say anything. I try not to think about all the things Trey might have seen. I don’t even want to think about the things the G might have seen.

  Trey rolls back from the desk, still sitting on his chair and grins at me. “I thought you were Kit, man she’d skin me alive if she knew I was perving on the chicks inside. She hates it when Jackson and I look.”